February
2007
What did I do?
Everything is going fine,
We are all happy,
Then you change,
You tell its been going on for awhile,
That I’ve been annoying you for long enough,
You rattle off a list of things I have done that goes back 4 years,
I can’t contradict you if I wanted to,
your mind is made up,
the only rememberence of “that” incident 4 years ago is how you shaped the story your way,
the only reason you’ve built up those incidents is because you have made an assumption about me,
the only reason you’ve made an assumption is because three months after I knew you I was expected to know what every unwritten rule was, what every glance meant, every bit of body language, and hidden messages behind the words,
YOU WON’T TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE!
if I ask that annoyes you and gets put on the “list” of things i’ve done,
you don’t even tell me anyway,
yet if I don’t ask and misread a situation because i don’t know you get pissed then to,
the truth is you shut down to me,
you stopped trying,
about 1 year after I knew you you gave up,
I was still trying to learn still trying to make it work,
but it takes two to tango,
after that your irritated more easily,
little things get blown up in your mind untill to you i am a walking time bomb,
our relationship has now deteriorated to something strangley formal,
we both know what the other thinks about us,
I don’t want to completely break it off,
the times we had together were good for a while,
but we can’t ever be true to each other,
you think you’re right but i think i’m the one who is right,
neither of us are ready to make nice,
but why can’t I let go,
I keep trying,
I keep smiling,
I know it’s over,
but i still have my bubble of hope,
for each time I reach out and you slap me back that bubble gets smaller,
i wish i could pop it myself,
but I can’t,
I need to decide,
before the pain rips me apart,
they say being able to ask questions is a good thing,
if it’s so good why does it hurt so much when I do it?
please help me,
I don’t know what i did,
I don’t know how to make it right,
All I know is that the pain is crippling,
the only thing everybody sees is the fake smiles, the fake laugh, and even sometimes the fake intrest,
I can’t change the past but I can change the future,
Can we clear history and make a fresh start?
